Depression

I've heard about depression about a gazillion times in the past couple of days, and I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. No. Actually, society needs to talk about depression the way we talk about a disease that consumes you from the inside until there is nothing left. Unfortunately, that can be the reality of depression as we recently learned with Robin Williams. Somewhere in the endless data of a simple Google search you'll find that 1 in 10 Americans will be be affected by depression at one point or another. As someone who has suffered from depression, I think it's time we start speaking up. There is hope for those who suffer from this mental illness.

Like many college students, I had my fair share of wild days. The drinking. The partying. The boyfriends. The late nights. The general irresponsibility. But what people never prepared me for was the emotional damage bundled with the memorable college days. Like so many twenty something college girls, I fell in and out of "love" oh so often. It's silly, I know. How we let ourselves fall so fast and so hard, but yes, I was that cliche. Until, I actually fell in love. I'll call him "A." He was my nights and my days. My time and my effort. My heart and my soul. I had finally grown out of the adolescent love I had learned from Nicholas Sparks (no offense), and fallen in love. Real love. It was glorious for a time. And then, it wasn't. Our similar personalities clashed. That's when I learned that being "too much alike" was a bad thing. But that love kept "A" and me holding on to the toxicity. 

Somewhere in the essence of our future dreams, our actions' consequences finally surfaced. I still remember the night that it all became real. The night I had to grow up. I'll spare you the details. The people who need to know know. But it's what sent me spiraling into an endless void. Darkness. I'd like to say it's all so clear now, but to this day it isn't. It has and always will be a blur. Fighting. Yelling. Pain. Fake resolution. More pain. That's the hazy memory I recall. And somewhere in that repetitive self loathing, I believed the world would be better without me. Suicide was always just lurking at the tip of my conscious. Teasing me. "Oh, how easy I'd be," it'd say. And yes, I gave in. To the depression. To the thoughts. To the darkness. I gave in. 

What followed was crucial. You need to know this. Society NEEDS to know this. I got help. Not only did I see my doctor, but I also talked to my family and friends. For me, that was the best treatment. Although they didn't have some formal intervention to save me from myself, those closest to me stepped in and showed me their love. My brother Ben, he just knew what to say. My parents gave me the tough love I was in desperate need of. And my friends, Jessica, Isaac, Lee, they didn't judge me. It was the perfect combination of understanding, encouragement and comfort. 

Unfortunately, depression doesn't go away overnight. It took many months, if not over a year for me to be happy. And another thing, is there is always the possibility of relapsing. I did after I found out I was pregnant, but I went back to the system that helped me before. The friends. The family. The conversations. Today, I am happy. For some, it's just another adjective. But for me, it's an accomplishment. I am sure someone will look at me differently for being overtly honest about my past. I'm sure someone will think "Oh, here goes Victoria. Sharing way too many details about her life." Truth is, now that I am happy in my own skin, I want to tell everyone about my journey here. That's OK, right? We have got to erase the stigma of mental illness. We have to talk about our obstacles and our success. Society's well being depends on it. Talk. Speak up. If you need help, tell us. If you think someone you know needs help, talk to them. It seems so easy, yet it's so tragically difficult. And if none of the above apply to you, then share your happiness. Smile at strangers. Dance to the music. Reach out to the sun's sweet rays. Someone is watching you. Happiness can be contagious. You can make a difference. We can make a difference. Be happy.